lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
