i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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