I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
