you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
