Acid is not a monday night drug
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
