I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize