I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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