I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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