I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
