You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
