I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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