I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
