just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
