new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
