There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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