I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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