The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
