Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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