last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
