Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
