stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
