well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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