I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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