I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize