I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
