I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
