Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
