All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
