great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
