It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
