why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
