Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
