he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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