then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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