I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
