Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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