I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
