M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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