I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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