I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
