I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
