We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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