How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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