Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
