why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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