We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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