how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I touched a dick in church today
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