i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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