everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize