When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
