She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
