i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
