I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
