did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
