Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just googled if crying burns calories
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
