1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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