well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think people are normalizing furries
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
