she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
