I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
