My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
