all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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