He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
