I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
