have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
