she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
