So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
