Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize