no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
