is your mom at the bar?
i don't like sucking hair
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
