did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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