Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
