make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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