I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
