Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
