mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
