I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
