What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
