you have to choose: penises or morals?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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