I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
