I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
