i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize