Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
