What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
