she woke up with a sticky ear
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
