I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
