Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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