R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
