office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
