I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
