He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize