i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
