I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
