Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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