Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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