He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
