I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize