Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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