I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
