Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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